I love you so much.

I hooked up with someone today, R. Someone I shouldn’t have touched. But I did. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I mean, I did. I always do. I usually do. It’s not the act that’s hard, it’s the…

the aftermath. The feeling I get,

Burning, itching, painful guilt, shame. Crawling over my skin, staining my blood black, marking me at the forehead with the brand of a traitor.

Something to repel, to isolate, to spit on.

Disgusting.

I hate myself for tonight. I don’t care that I touched the guy, kissed him, did what I did. I just care… I care because I feel like I cheated.

Two different guys in an hour. 

Impressive, or depressing?

I don’t know how to feel anymore. Depressed? Empty? Sick? All of the above? I just feel awful. So awful. So very awful.

Because you don’t even care. Don’t even realize or understand just…

…how much….

               …I love you.

i climbed through his window

i went into his room

all we did was kiss and hug

and hold each other

i almost fell asleep, and him too,

but gabby called me telling me she needed me,

and he let me go. he fought for me to stay but he let me go. 

why do i love you so much?

closertothefinishline:

If I ask anyone for help they’ll call me things like ‘attention seeking’ or ‘selfish’

What they don’t know is that everyday I struggle not to burst into tears.

What they don’t know is how many times I’ve thought about ending my life.

What they don’t know is that without help I will probably end my life very soon.

(via cunts3xual)

i love you.

I’m so sad.

I want you back.

Please.

you don’t know how

furious

it makes me

It makes me want to punch something and or hurt myself

I’m debating which one to do

goddamn

sick 

and lonely

and empty

and sad

and miserable

i hate myself

I hate you

I hate him

I hate everyone

I just want to die

I just want to run away and disappear

and get away from this fucking place

I hate everyone

I hate everyone

I hate everyone